It's crazy how much life changes in a few years. A recent graduate from the school I currently work for wrote me about life after college and the challenge of work/play balance. I love working with college students. They have a funny way of forcing you to reflect, through needing your mentorship and it's great. So I start to write her back and it really made me realize how much has changed in the five years since I graduated from undergrad. I started writing her and blabbering in my usual way via e-mail hoping she wasn't thinking I was being condescending. I always hated that feeling I'd get when people a few years older then me would give me advice like they knew everything. Come to think of it, I still hate that. I try to be very aware of it and careful with my words especially when it's a young person I care a lot about.
She asked me about my friend M's wedding this past weekend which was was absolutely beautiful! I told her how happy I am for her but so heartbroken we are moving so far from each other. There were so many moments where I'd look over at Brian and he'd be looking at me and we would both get a little teary eyed.
Then I got to the blabbering on about my experience post college in short...here goes:
*start e-mail*
Hearing from you reminds me of what I was doing just after college...moving in with Mr. Wrong; building my life around him and his friends and consistently being let down. It actually was a really good time in my life, although it didn't feel like it at the time. It felt very lonely after we broke up and I was forced to figure out who the real, adult me would be. The post-college world can be extremely lonely without all your friends at arms reach. Here's my advice to you, find comfort in being alone. Figure out what you like to do for you by yourself with no influence from friends or family. It's good to know what that is before you meet Mr. Right or really start to get settled into life.
Finding that thing is the hardest part of the whole process. For me, I sat alone in my apartment A LOT, I watched every single thing I ever wanted to watch on netflicks including every season of Law and Order SVU. I survived on chef boyardi and ramen and finally I got bored enough to force myself into finding a solution. I took up photography again but that didn't seem to do it. I took a quilting class in which I was the youngest person in there by at least 50 years! I made questionable decisions and then I would beat myself up about it the next day. I made friends with people my age only to find out they were judgemental bad friends and we had nothing in common. I struck out a whole lot.
Then I found reading again. I had forgotten how much I loved getting lost in a book. I started journaling sometimes and realized I had A LOT to say about everything I was going through. I found a friendship in my oldest sister that I never knew we could have.
It was all really hard but I am so greatful I found some things that I like to do for me, things that make just me happy. I let my friendship with my sister grow. I had the one friend I could trust with all of the crazy things I was doing and questionable decisions I was making...like continuing to hang out with my ex knowing it would break my heart. Good God, I made mistakes! But eventually, after being comfortable with being alone-I felt less lonely when I was alone. I realized I actually enjoyed my own company and doing things for myself. I got a little selfish with my me-time. In the end, it made me all the more ready for whatever is ahead. It made me ok with a little bit of compromise and sacrifice and ready to start my life with someone else and maybe bring a few other little people in the mix later on.
The beginning is crazy, but embrace it. Embrace being alone because once all the sharing of things in life start, it won't stop and you have to give more and more...and ahhhh, babies can wait. LOL, sorry that's my own shit. Know that I am here for you sister whenever you need! As far as a balance between work and play-everyone struggles with that after college I think. Maybe a good philosophy is to have fun, but think to yourself when you're out-what would you do if your boss saw you right at that moment. That's a good reality check for me anyway-I still use that one from time to time. BUT, also allow yourself to get a little crazy once and a while. I hope all that babbling on helps!
*the end of the e-mail*
I think I did ok, not too condescending anyway. But this e-mail connected to seeing M get married this weekend really made me realize some things. Life is crazy how fast it goes. What a long strange trip it's been. Moments come and go but some of the memories, they stick around. It's really incredible to think how much has changed in a few years. I am so ready for the next big step, the next start and new challenge. I love life and all it's little adventures. Bring it on! I want to experience it all. Every moment, the good, bad and the ugly. I know the good days will bring warmth to the tough days and the bad days will help me grow...someone remind me of all this when I'm complaining about shit again-will ya?
...The gypsy flies from coast to coast. But back home she'll always run.
No comments:
Post a Comment